‘
If you could change one thing about your body, what would it be?
As soon as you hear this question, I’m sure at least one thing comes to mind. For me, several things pop into my head. My skin. How nice it would be to have skin that wasn’t populated with angry red dots. My weight. I want a flat tummy, toned thighs, a bigger butt. My hair. Longer, thicker, prettier. My eyes. Ones that don’t squint and disappear when I laugh. My teeth. Who wouldn’t want straight, white, perfect teeth?
But, let’s say I had all these things. Let’s say I looked exactly how I wanted to look. Would my quality of life be any better? Would I be happier? Sure, I might be prettier. Or at least prettier in my own eyes. But would that change anything? I would still probably be the same insecure teenager. I would find other things that I would want to change.
I found it interesting watching this video, I didn’t notice any of these people’s insecurities. Even after they pointed them out, I still didn’t really see them. That girl’s forehead seemed average. That guy’s ears? Totally normal. That ladies stretch marks? They show the journey of her pregnancy.
My earliest memory of beauty is being in grade seven and reflecting on the fact that nobody had ever called me pretty. That’s a pretty late memory isn’t it? All through elementary school, I never second guessed myself. I knew who I was and I thought I was the cutest child ever. Maybe I’m exaggerating but I certainly did not cry over my appearance back in the day. I saw myself for who I was. A girl who had the cutest outfits and wicked long hair.
But when did that all change? I went through some bad times in grade seven. Puberty hit me fast and hard. Acne was not my friend. My love for chocolate was fighting for a spot in my stomach. My hair suddenly decided to be frizzy. The gap in my front teeth looked more noticeable than ever. And suddenly, as everyone was worrying over boys and crushes, I started to realize I had never been called pretty. Sure, my family had. I’m not asking for the sympathy card here. I’m just calling things how they were. Boys started having crushes on every girl in the class. Every girl but me. Boys had no interest in talking to me. Girls didn’t want to be my friend. As boys were calling my best friends pretty and the popular girls were commenting “Omg you are like so pretty” on facebook selfies, I was slowly forgetting this self confidence I had one held so abundantly.
I lost all sense of myself. Any personal style I had was replaced with TNA hoodies. I wore my hair up in a ponytail every day. I started to cover up my face with makeup. I became awkward. i was scared to talk to people. I didn’t think I was good enough to be friends with popular people. This continued for two years. I didn’t realize I had lost my self confidence. But suddenly I was scared to talk to people. I felt like everyone was constantly judging me.
I used to think it was me that had changed. That I suddenly saw all of my imperfections because I was becoming uglier. I wasn’t becoming uglier, the world was becoming uglier. We live in a world where we are taught from a young age to critique every part of our bodies. We strive towards this unreachable goal of being perfect.
It took a long time to find myself again. And that isn’t to say I’m now confident with how I look. I still wish I could change things about my appearance. I will never be that little girl again who knew she was beautiful and could confidently look in a mirror and feel at peace with how she looked. But I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that looks aren’t everything. How we look is a fact of life. It’s our bodies, our appearance and we should learn to embrace it. The sooner we embrace that, the sooner we embrace ourselves.
What I’ve noticed working in cosmetics:https://when-im-older.com/post/93019508441
