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The six years of Elementary school were the worst years of my life. The first few years were okay. I had a good group of friends. Let’s call my two best friends B and S. And no, this isn’t a Gossip Girl reference, it’s merely a coincidence. To this day, I’m still so grateful that B and S were with me for the first couple of years. But then, they both left. B transferred to a school closer to her house and S started being homeschooled. Suddenly, I was alone. My tight knit group of friends was gone. To make it worse, I was incredibly shy throughout these years. I tried to start hanging out with the other girls in my class. But, something was wrong. I just didn’t fit in. They just didn’t like me. I was the odd one out. At recess, everyone went in pairs to play. When I would ask to hang out with one of the pairs, they would tell me they were having a ‘private recess’. That became my most hated term. This whole idea of ‘private recesses’ was so lodged in my brain from a young age so I never questioned it. I didn’t think they were doing anything wrong or mean. So, I would be forced to hang out with the lunch lady and eventually, I became friends with the girls in the grade below me. My worst memory was my birthday in grade 4. I was turning 10, the big double digits. The day before, B told me that everyone was planning to make my birthday as miserable as possible. They were going to hand me a birthday card with nothing written inside, they were going to bake me a cake that tasted horrible, they were going to ignore me all day. To this day, I still don’t understand what I did to them that made them dislike me so much. Grade 5 and 6 were even worse. I became friends with a different group of girls. And even though they were supposedly my best friends, life was even worse with them. They were catty and snobby. I didn’t know 11 year old girls could be bitches but these ones fit the description perfectly.
But why am I telling you this story? It’s not for sympathy. It’s not for entertainment. It’s not even an exciting story. I was lucky enough to experience bullying at such young age that I grew a backbone and by the time I was in high school, I was invincible. People think I have this abundant amount of confidence and such a high self esteem, but the truth is, I learnt what I want to show to people. I’m not an overly confident person (read this). But, I don’t want people to catch me when I’m at my lowest. I don’t want to be taken advantage of. I don’t want to be bullied.
And so, for those of you who are having a rough time with friends right now, I have a couple words of wisdom for you. I’m not wise. I’m definitely not an expert. But this is what I know. If a person is being mean to you, whether that includes talking behind your back, calling you names, picking on you, no matter how big or how small, confront them. Stand up to them. I once asked a girl why she hated me. Turns out she thought I hated her and that’s why she was mean to me. Show them that you’re not going to let them walk all over you.
Next, don’t ever let someone insult you. Don’t let someone mock you. Don’t allow yourself to be embarrassed by whatever they might say. I hid this blog for a couple of years because I was terrified of the backlash I would get. But when my blog finally did go public to my friends and I started getting the few occasional insults and jokes, I stood up to them. I accepted their views but I was also proud of this blog. I wasn’t going to let them tear me apart on the basis of something that I had worked on for so many hours and days and years of my life. Don’t ever let someone shrink you down. You can choose how you want to react. Stand up for yourself. It’s hard, I know, but you can do it.
Finally, realize that this is just one period of your life. The bullying will stop. I promise. They will move on. You will move on. You will go your separate ways. You will grow up to be strong and defiant. You can escape these bullies. You choose who you hang out with. You choose who you associate yourself with and who you listen to. I’ve become a very big advocate of getting rid of toxic people. Toxic friends, toxic boys, toxic strangers; they all need to go.
I guess what I’m trying to say, in a very roundabout way, is don’t let these people change you. Don’t let them change how you think or what you do. Don’t ever let their comments get to you. Don’t ever let them make you cry. They are not worth your tears. I look back on my years and wonder why I allowed these insignificant girls to make me feel the way I did. Forget them. Forget their words. Because you’re you. Move on from your past. And if you’re ever having a bad day, send me a message. Talk to me. I won’t give good advice, I’m sorry. I’m not good at giving advice. It’s just not my expertise. But I will listen because I am a great listener. And sometimes talking is the thing that helps the most. Being able to rant to someone who genuinely cares can make a huge difference. That’s why I have a blog after all. I am able to write out my feelings, no matter how insignificant, no matter how seemingly dumb they are. Because this is my blog and no one can take that away from me.
