So throughout the years on this blog, I’ve talked about my skin here and there. But I’ve never done a post on the whole journey of my skin and how exactly I got it to where it is today. So here is the story, spanning over 10 years, covering some of my worst skincare moments, but also some of my best and how I finally cleared up my skin for good.
I first started getting breakouts in grade 5, when I was 10 or 11. They were little and just around my nose. They didn’t bother me much and I didn’t think much of them. My mom ran out and bought me the Vichy Normaderm cleanser and spot treatment. The Vichy Normaderm line is a great acne line that I would recommend to anyone and I think it helped to control my little pimples for the moment. But then as I got older and entered junior high, the pimples started to get worse. They spread upward to my forehead and this was the first time I started to get embarrassed about my appearance. This was the first time my self confidence wavered. I had been wearing makeup my entire life for dance competitions so I knew the power of what makeup could do. So I started to wear a little bit of concealer on my forehead. And although it sort of covered up the redness, it didn’t hide the bumps and I felt more insecure than ever. At this time, I had transitioned to the Neutrogena acne line. I was using the Redness Calming Cleanser, which has since been discontinued, but that was a fantastic cleanser and it kept my breakouts semi-controlled and my skin soothed. However, I was still breaking out more than ever. All throughout junior high, my skin stayed at a constant level of horrible breakouts on my forehead. Nothing I did made it any better or any worse. Neither me or my family knew enough about skincare to know how to treat it.
When I entered high school, I was more interested in skincare and makeup. My love and passion for the two were developing. I loved watching Youtube videos and scouring the web for the newest and coolest products. But even though I was learning so much more about skincare, nothing was helping still. And by this time, my acne had moved down to my cheeks as well. It was getting so much worse. So, I went on my first visit of many to a dermatologist. The first dermatologist recommended me the typical Differin topical treatment. This is what all my friends used as well so i was so hopeful that it would work for me as well. And it helped for the first little while. Although I was still breaking out, there were fewer pimples and they seemed to disappear quicker. However, after a while, the treatment didn’t seem to be doing anything and my acne started getting worse and worse. So I started going back to the dermatologist more and more for the next three years all throughout high school. I tried whatever they suggested, so desperate to find a solution. I tried multiple acne lines and stronger and stronger acne treatments. Nothing was working.
Then my dermatologist prescribed some antibiotics and this seemed to really help. I thought I had finally found the solution. My acne was disappearing. I was overjoyed. I took the full 2 months of pills and thought my acne was cleared for good. However, six months after, my acne returned, angrier than ever. So, I went back on the antibiotics, but once again, six months after I stopped taking them, my acne returned. I was devastated. How could this be happening? By this time, I was working at my job in the Beauty Boutique in Shoppers Drug Mart. I was supposed to be a beauty expert. I was supposed to know about skincare. Every time a customer would come in asking about how to fix their acne, I would be so embarrassed to suggest a product. I knew what was supposed to work but I also knew that none of that worked for me. How were they supposed to listen to my advice when my skin looked like it did? I think this was the time my skin looked the worse. My cheeks were covered in so many bumps and red marks and scars. No amount of makeup could cover it up. I was so miserable. So back to the dermatologist I went. I tried everything they suggested. I even tried light treatments where I sat under this weird device for a half an hour where this light was shined on my face, but alas, that made no difference either. I went on antibiotics for a third time and that did nothing as well. I was giving up hope. My acne was even worse than a couple of months ago. I was completely clueless and out of ideas on what to do.
So, once again, I went back to the dermatologist. I expected them to just offer a higher percentage of an acne spot treatment. But they offered something way worse. They said my skin was so infected that the only way to fix it would be to go on Accutane. This was the worst news I had ever heard. I had heard so many horror stories about Accutane. The skin dryness, the pain, the longer term effects; it was even suspected to cause arthritis in your later years. All of the side effects just didn’t seem worth it for better skin. Because after all, it’s just skin. It’s just bumps on your face. But back then, I wasn’t thinking like that. I remember breaking down at work, crying to my coworkers, so frustrated with everything. A customer came in who was on Accutane and her face looked absolutely horrible. It was peeling and red. She had been on the treatment for six months. She said she was in so much pain, but she was so excited for what the results would be after she was done. I thought Accutane would be my one cure. So I pleaded my mom, begging her to let me. She was hesitant after hearing all the same side effects. She researched it online and found the same horror stories I had heard. I am so glad she refused for me to go on Accutane, because this is when my whole story turns around. (I’m not saying Accutane doesn’t work for people, I’m just so relieved that I didn’t have to go through the whole process the end.)
I got home that day and I didn’t have any acne products left. So I started using a La Roche Posay Cleanser that I had been gifted at work with my Clarisonic and a Clarins HydraQuench Cream afterwards. That’s it. I didn’t use any spot treatment. I didn’t use any salicylic acid. I didn’t use any benzoyl peroxide. I didn’t use anything. And suddenly, my skin started getting better. I stopped breaking out. My cheeks became less bumpy. People started complimenting me on how clear my face looked. It was a miracle. So yes, that’s right, I solved my acne by completely cutting out all acne products. Who knows if that is what really fixed my skin, but it makes sense. My skin just needed to be healthy again. All of the harsh treatments dried out my skin. They made my skin crave the healthy oils, but all they got were these acids trying to completely clear out my pores. My skin lacked moisture, it lacked nutrients. So, as soon as I cut out all of the extra things and returned my skin to it’s normal, optimal state, it stopped producing all of those excess oils, and thus, stopped breaking out.
And now, almost a year later, my skin is still acne-free. Well that’s a semi-lie. I still breakout, but now my breakouts consists of one little pimple instead of 10, which I can totally deal with. I just let them heal and disappear. It doesn’t bother me anymore. I’m just so grateful my skin isn’t how it was a couple years ago. And it wasn’t just me who noticed my skin improvement. My friend, Leona came in and told me it looked like a baby’s skin. My friend Narin said my skin was glowing. Customers said my skin looked perfect. It made me so happy. I thought I was dreaming and that I would wake up with my same horrible skin that I lived with for so long. However, my 10 years of acne did leave behind quite a few red marks. My cheeks were populated with so many marks. But thankfully, not many left behind scars. I attribute that to not picking at or popping any pimples and still trying to keep my skin moisturized. But it’s almost impossible to stop pimples from l
eaving behind those red marks. So, I got to work, trying to get rid of the marks, which is a lot harder than it seems. However, it’s easier than getting rid of acne so that’s one thing I’m definitely happy about. Read my post here about how I’m finally started to get rid of the marks!
There. So that’s my skin story. That was just a rollercoaster of emotions hey? And trust me, during those ten years of acne, I definitely did experience a rollercoaster of emotions. It was the biggest thing that caused the downfall of my self-confidence. Every time I looked in the mirror, I was greeted by those angry little bumps and I couldn’t focus on anything else. I felt like it was all people were paying attention to. I thought I would never be considered pretty. It honestly sucked. That’s the best way I can put it. It really did suck. I cried so much over my face and although I wish I could look back and say I should haven’t cared so much and that it’s only skin, I know how horrible it is to try every product and constantly be looking for a solution, yet unable to find one. I received so many hate messages on Facebook’s Honesty Box (does anyone else remember those?) and then later on Tumblr and then later on Ask.fm about my skin. And although they were hateful and mean and made me feel so ugly, at the end of the day, there are so many worse things than acne.
And to those of you who have been lucky enough to not have experience acne to the extent I have, please please please don’t judge others for the bumps on their face. It’s not always as simple as washing your face or cutting dairy out of your diet. Acne is caused by so many different things, and sometimes at the end of the day, it’s just hormones. So don’t think that just because you wash your face, that’s the reason your skin is clear and don’t assume that people who have acne don’t wash their faces. You are just a little luckier than the rest of us and got the nice non-oil-producing glands. I envy you.
But, for those of you who are experiencing some of the things I did and feel like there’s no hope left for your acne, don’t worry. I can’t tell you not to let it bother you, because I know that it always will. But just know that there will eventually be light at the end of the tunnel. Your acne will eventually go away. It might last a full 10 years like mine did. It might last longer. But just keep pushing on and find what works for you. Because one day you will wake up and look in the mirror and notice a difference. You will run downstairs to your mom and say “Hey, I think my acne might be getting better” with the biggest smile on your face and you will feel such a big weight off your shoulders. And you might look in the mirror and finally feel a little bit prettier and start to regain that confidence you lost so many years ago.
