There are times when I am so excited about the future. I think of ideas of what kind of career I am going to have. I imagine my kids, what I’m going to name them, what sports I’m going to enrol them in. I imagine my husband and like a stereotypical girly girl, what our wedding will look like. There are times when I can’t wait to grow up and start the next chapter of my life.
But, there are also times when I am frozen in fear about what the future could bring. So many worries pass through my head. What if I don’t get a job? How will I afford to ever move out? What if my parents don’t live forever? What if I’m not ready to be an adult? During these moments of panic, I try so hard to ignore them. I try to live in the moment and remember why I’m excited for the future instead of dreading it. But these moments of anxiety don’t pass easily. My heart beats too fast, I can’t breathe, I feel like my whole body is about to shut down.
However, that might just be all a part of growing up. Growing up is all about passing those milestones. It’s about getting through the challenges that you thought would hold you back forever. But somehow you are able to make your way through life. It’s not all easy. It’s not all fun. But, you grow so much stronger because of it. Looking back, every challenge, every milestone in my life seemed so simple, like I shouldn’t even have worried about it. Getting my first job? Child’s play. Those diploma exams in high school? A breeze. Standing up in front of my class and giving a presentation? Easy peasy. But I know that 16 year old Taylor and 18 year old Taylor and 20 year old Taylor definitely didn’t think that at the time. No, she was lying in bed, hyperventilating, worrying about every single little thing in typical Taylor fashion. She couldn’t fall asleep, she might have cried a little into her pillow even though she was trying her hardest to be mature and yet, after all of that, she still managed to keep making her way through life.
And I know that landing my first “adult” job and graduating university and trying to move out might stress me out way beyond belief right now, but when I’m thirty and giving birth to my first child (and probably terrified about that), I will look back on those moments and wonder why I ever panicked for a second.
Being twenty-two brings on a lot of responsibilities. I’m not a kid anymore, I’m not a teenager, I’m not even a girl. I’m a woman. I’m in my second decade of life and it’s time to start tackling all my responsibilities. Even though life might absolutely terrify me right now, I know I can do it. This is my own little pep talk to myself. I am my strongest supporter. I have been with myself through twenty two years and I’ve seen myself accomplish everything I’ve set my mind to and succeed. I’ve also seen myself struggle and break down and fail and feel like I couldn’t do this thing called life anymore and yet, here I am.
Instead of worrying about the future, I vow to look at it with the same optimism that I look at my past. There are so many amazing things that I want to do with my life and I won’t let my fears and worries hold me back. I’m going to make a difference in the world whether that be with my career, my ideas or just myself in general. I’m going to travel the world and go to New York hopefully more long term than short.
This is a motivational speech to myself. Because I need motivation and nobody can give that to you other than yourself. Happy Birthday to me.
