The Unknown | A Breakup Post

I thought I had gotten good at breakups. I really had. Isn’t that the worst thing to be good at? Who wants to be good at breakups? I don’t want to be experienced at breakups. I don’t want to be experienced at heartbreak. That just sounds painful. Lonely. Soul crushing. But ever since my first breakup back in 2015 (or 2010 depending on what you count as a breakup), every successive one has gotten easier and easier. I cried less. I got angry less. I knew the steps to take to move on the quickest. I thought I knew the formula to breakups. You start off sad. You try to be friends. You get angry. You try to be friends. You rebound. You miss them. You accept it. You move on. It was that exact sequence of events that I experienced each and every breakup. It was predictable almost. And you know what predictability does? It erases the fear. The fear of the unknown. And so, when I would breakup, I knew the sadness was only temporary. I knew there was better things on the horizon. I was able to bounce back quicker and quicker with each breakup I went through. I figured the emotions from my next breakup would last a week tops.

But what I didn’t know was there might come a breakup that wouldn’t follow this pattern. Even as I’m writing this post, I am so confused. I’ve cried less than all my breakups combined. I’ve been angry but not to the point where I want to shut the person out of my life. I didn’t try to be friends, in fact, I was doing the exact opposite. I have no desire to find a rebound. I haven’t even downloaded Tinder. Or Bumble. Or Hinge. So where am I in this breakup process? To tell the truth, I have no idea. And that’s what so scary. I have no idea how I’m going to feel the next day. Or next week. Or next month. I don’t know when I’ll be happy again. Or sad. Or mad. I don’t know when I’ll be in a place where I feel ready to date other people. I just don’t know.

But you know what’s oddly weird? The unknown is rather comforting. Sure, there’s the fear of the unknown but it’s also scary to know exactly how you will be feeling next week. The unknown gives me hope. Hope that I will wake up happy tomorrow. Hope that I have the strength to carry on with my life next week. Hope that I will feel ready to fall in love again next year one day.

I don’t know if any of this made sense. But it’s hard to write a breakup post when you don’t even know how you’re feeling. I don’t think I’ve allowed myself to be alone with my emotions in a while either. I’ve been so busy. In between work and school and friends, I haven’t had space to think. With past breakups, I’ve turned to poetry. They were never any good but it allowed me to write out my thoughts in an eloquent, clear manner. It helped me work through the heartbreak. But I haven’t had the chance to do that this time around. This blog post is the first time I’ve tried to dig deep inside me to unlock the feelings. But I’m only scratching at the surface. And I just don’t know when the full extent of my feelings will uncover themselves. So I guess it’s just a waiting game for now.

And thus, because I can’t seem to make sense of the unknown, I thought a step in the right direction would be to make sense of myself. And so, here it goes.

1. Stop overthinking and overanalyzing every little thing
2. Stop stressing out. Life and work and school will work themselves out in due time. Don’t worry about the things you don’t have any control over.
3. Focus on your friendships and the people who have always been there for you. Don’t let them slip by while you’re too busy focusing on unimportant things.
4. Take the time to better yourself. Always keep on learning.
5. Look on the bright side of things and remember what you’re grateful for.
6. Take care of yourself. Exercise, eat healthy and stick to your passions. A bubble bath is never a bad thing.
7. Stop comparing yourself to other people. It doesn’t do yourself (or anyone) any good.
8. Never forget what someone else could be going through. Put yourself in their shoes first.
9. Take a break from social media every once in a while. I know it’s your job but remember it doesn’t portray reality.
10. Don’t ever settle. It’s not worth it and you will never be truly happy.

You know, it’s weird. Sometimes holding on to something good is the hardest thing to do. Sometimes things just aren’t meant to be. And sometimes, you just have to listen to that gut feeling. Sometimes bad things fall apart so good things can fall together. And sometimes, you just need to close the damn door so another one can open. That door might be really heavy and you will feel like you just don’t have the strength to close it. But, with due time, a strong gust of wind will come around and ease it closed, safeguarding all the good memories and emotions inside so that you can finally start to move on.

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Have a looky look at some of my other breakup posts

(sorry to all my exes, just be grateful I don’t say any of y’alls names in these)

7 Stages of a Breakup: https://when-im-older.com/161894031878-2/

The Truth About Mexico: https://when-im-older.com/the-truth-about-mexico-a-breakup-post/

Being Alone: https://when-im-older.com/being-alone/

Summer: The Season of Breakups: https://when-im-older.com/178920665244-2/

How To Get Over a Breakup: https://when-im-older.com/125935277690-2/